Finland

May 8, 2023May 8, 2023

Ireland, Germany, Finland

Ireland: We are one by Wild Youth

I am usually an absolute sucker for songs that are anthemic and uplifting; with soft vocals with a simple beat and riff that lead to an absolute belter of a chorus that encourages everyone to shout out the lyrics. However, a great anthem needs to work for it, a catchy but refined first verse with enticing lyrics to keep you waiting for that intense chorus. We Are One by Wild Youth fails to create that enticing build-up, which then makes the chorus, with the key change and the newly introduced lead guitar and synthesizer fall flat. Wild Youth really tries to hone in on the key anthemic sounds toward the end by repeating the chorus with an added bass drum, but just feels rushed and unsatisfactory without enough effort or thought into the verse that needs to lead into the more emotionally serious chorus.

My feelings about “anthemic” pop songs aside, lyrically it’s cliche in all the fun ways. Focusing on unity and accepting differences without any substance that challenges any political point of view. Despite my issues with this song, I still know its going to be stuck in my head for a few days before I end up adding it to my listening playlist anyway.

Reviewed by

Chris Irving

Germany: Blood and Glitter by Lord of the Lost

I am 1000% backing this entry to win (even though I doubt they will). Lord of the Lost are what I expect to happen if a bunch of drag queens had babies with Marilyn Manson and I can’t even express how happy this makes me!

Blood and Glitter is a catchy tune, a mix of a sweet lullaby interlude with screamo metal, and is a joy to behold! This clip (which I’ve played about 4 times in a row this morning) gets better with every viewing. The spandex outfits, the glitter lips and monobrows, the intense staring into your soul, the half-naked group worshipping blood shower – I want to meet these guys and talk philosophy with them so bad!

Do your eyes and ears a favour and watch the video clip IMMEDIATELY! Es ist sehr gut!!!

Reviewed by

Georgina Binns

Finland: Cha Cha Cha by Käärijä

Ballroom dancers, be warned – this is not that kind of Cuban Latin cha-cha-cha… on the contrary, it is something far better: an utterly addictive techno-beat with plenty of synth, autotune and a bit of Mario Brothers. The genius is that the fairly abrasive and hammering opening gives way to melodic disco sounds whilst keeping the relentless tempo. Coupled with excellent green puffy sleeves (which I hope will make it onto the stage in Liverpool), this could go far!

Reviewed by

Mariella Herberstein

May 13, 2022

Serbia, Finland and Latvia

Serbia – Konstrakta: In Corpore Sano

Look, I’m grateful you’re encouraging handwashing in 2022. But also you’re spreading some medical misinformation, and by that I can’t abide. For one, deep under-eye circles say nothing about the status of your liver, unless you’ve been up all night drinking. Two, those spots around your lips say nothing about the attractiveness of your spleen – it’s probably just herpes, and that’s ok. Three, Meghan Markle’s hair secrets are simply beyond our feeble medical understanding. And four, the autonomic nervous system is also the reason why you’re sweating as you eye the vastly superior competition. Serbia, let me clarify one last piece of confusion for you: Fomites are surfaces that can spread infection between people by contact, and hand-washing will help you here. FOMO is what you’ll experience watching the Finals you didn’t make, and no amount of hand-washing or hand-wringing can save you now.

Score: 6/10 for scrub technique, 3/10 for the music

Review by Scott Fabricant

Finland – The Rasmus: Jezebel

Glam rock is back and ticking all the right boxes: heavy mascara, screeching guitars, biblical references, thundering percussion, a chorus snatched from Alice Cooper’s Poison and, best of all, one hell of a key change!

What’s not to love??? Douze points!!

Review by Mariella Herberstein

Lativa – Citi Zēni: Eat Your Salad

Being green is hot, cool and sexy!!! Set against a big-band sound, the non-sensical lyrics (some of which so shocking, they were censured…) and the controlled chaos of this high energy performance is most enjoyable. Joke entries can sometimes go far in Eurovision (Ukraine Verka Serduchka made it to second place in 2007), but I am not sure Latvia is in the same league, although I like the message!!!

Review by Mariella Herberstein

May 17, 2021May 17, 2021

Finland, Israel and Spain

Finland: Blind Channel- Dark side

Neo-pop punk metal dance track with a catchy chorus, gorilla/dog grunting and a dude hanging back whispering echoes to the lead singer. The hair styles are very 90s Nirvana/Silverchair, which I really like (90’s- early 00’s metal punk rock tragic here, don’t @ me), and the song ends with a very impressive scream (very similar to sounds I’ve often heard in the PhD offices), but no key change in sight. Are Blind Channel blind to the rules of Eurovision? You have to have a key change to get into the finals.

I just read that they call their music a brand of ‘violent pop’ but I’m not sure if they realise how cute they all are with their eyeliner? Also, they wrote on their profile that if they were playing Mariocart, they’d pick Yoshi? ADORABLE. Can we sneak them into the country for a tour with our Finnish researchers next year, please??

Review by Georgina Binns

Israel: Eden Alene- Set me free

Damn, what a queen! Eden is a powerhouse with a catchy middle eastern themed tune and a fantastic voice. I would have liked to have seen her ballet talents highlighted here, but this is an absolute banger, and with a key change! Eden knows what’s up! Her white outfit in this video is very striking against everyone else dressed so darkly, but is reminiscent of Kylie’s ‘Can’t get you out of my head’, which was frankly also a club banger back in the day- and if you ask DJ Merciless to play this song, she probably already has it lined up, so don’t even bother.

I have a lot of feelings about the chosen lyrics, particularly the continuously repeated ‘Set Me Free’, which is a lovely sentiment, but a bit on the nose under current circumstances? Why do I always want to be so political about this? This is Eurovision, politics are not allowed! Anyway, it’s super catchy and I already can’t get it out of my head.

Review by Georgina Binns

Spain: Blas Cantó – Voy A Quedarme

Blas, how on earth do you get so much height in your fringe? I am truly impressed. Yeah, your voice is lovely and you can hit those high notes like a god-damn nightingale, but that quiff, seriously, what a dude.

And there’s nothing like a cute very young man with no shoes hugging his grandma, singing what I imagine is an ode to how much he loves his maternal old lady. I am going to relish in this lovely feeling before I read the English translation of the lyrics and what I hope remains this sweet and innocent ballad or regard for older women.

Ok. “Of memories of your skin..”… “Just inches away from me…” ok… “I’m going to kiss you very slowly like the first time…” err.. “Just leave behind the fear..” right. Maybe it wasn’t his grandma.

Review by Georgina Binns

May 12, 2019May 12, 2019

Ireland & Finland

Ireland

22 by Sarah McTernan

Sarah McTernan brings us a laid back catchy pop-tune that will at least get some decent radio play, if not rack up a decent amount of points this year. It’s a solid toe tapper but perhaps not enough to blow the socks of the global audience. If Ireland want to keep their record of most Eurovision wins they are going to have to start bringing their A game before Sweden finally re-unite ABBA and go after the title once and for all. In which case Ireland’s only defence may be in engineering a bionically enhanced Johnny Logan to return to the stage and claim his third finals victory. Who knows what 2020 could bring…

Review by James O’Hanlon

Finland

Look away by Darude feat. Sebastian Rejman

The 90s we’re great weren’t they? Scrunchies we’re in, Santana was making a comeback, Twitter hadn’t been invented yet, all was well. So is it time to relive the glory days and bring 90s music back into fashion? Maybe not. This year Finland revisits the late 90s and brings us a track littered with synth beats and boy band harmonising reminiscent of 90s pop music. Sadly, like most 90s pop music, it is instantly forgettable and unlikely to fare well at Eurovision this year.

What isn’t forgettable however is the abomination of a soul-patch Darude appears to be sporting. The image of this flavour savour landing strip has been semi-permanently burned into my retinas. I know, facial hair shaming isn’t cool, but let’s just hope that this trend doesn’t catch on like fork beards, pencil moustaches, chin straps, and all those other unsightly attempts at fancy facial hair styling. As the song title begs, ‘Look Away’.

Review by James O’Hanlon

May 2, 2017

Cyprus, Denmark & Finland

CyprusGravity by Hovig

Will this be the year when Cyprus breaks the drought and finally wins Eurovision? I am afraid not. Is it the auto tune? The mildly threatening lyrics (Right beside you – I’ll never leave you)? The heavy-footed dancing? The lack of voting neighbours, or all of the above? Unless Hovig pulls off a gravity defying performance, I am afraid this one will crash into last place.

Review by Mariella Herberstein

DenmarkWhere I am by Anja

Ready the wind machines for Denmark! Lulling you into a false sense of security for the first minute or so, Anja hits her strides and belts out a classic Eurovision anthem that could only be improved by a key change. Never mind the nonsensical lyrics and non-existing dancing. I think this will go far, the finals for sure!

Review by Mariella Herberstein

FinlandBlackbird by Norma John

This is a real song, sung by real musicians, conveying sincere emotions, beautifully. What on earth is Norma John doing at Eurovision? No wonder they are looking so sad. This is the highest quality entry for decades, hands down. Sadly, this is no guarantee and if anything quality is a detriment to Eurovision success. I am so sorry, Norma John!

Reviewed by Mariella Herberstein

May 4, 2016

Armenia, Bosnia-Herzegovina and Belarus

Armenia

LoveWave by Iveta Mukuchyan

Iveta is overcome by a LoveWave, the source of which is a dashingly handsome and hairy Ewin Mcgregor. Emotions have taken hold, and all Iveta can do is screech: uhhhhuhhhuuhhhhuuuhhh. The wailing is artfully amplified by the Armenian Duduk – an ancient, yet annoying reed instrument. On the plus side, Iveta is sporting a blow wave, the like of which I have not seen since Farrah Fawcett. Also, Iveta has very well shaped eyebrows!

Review by Mariella Herberstein

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Bosnia & Herzegovina

Ljubav Je by Dalal & Deen feat. Ana Rucner and Jala

It’s been twelve long years since Deen graced the Eurovision stage with his oh-so-subtle pelvic thrusting, rhinestone-clad, mouth-gaping ‘In the Disco‘, replete with its concerning message about body image.

It may be best to think of ‘Ljubav Je’ as an opportunistic longitudinal study on the effects of aging on the human body. Dependent variables of interest could include hair quantity, hair location, voice pitch and surface area to volume ratio. The next measurement is due in 2028.

Not even France is entirely en français this year, so take this opportunity to drink for a song in a native language.

Review by Ingrid Errington

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Belarus

Help you fly by IVAN

Belarus has sent the love child of Ron Weasley and Kylo-Ren to Eurovision. This could be interesting, but sadly is not. IVAN extrudes a whiny metal ballad that could have been ripped off the back catalog of Scorpion (remember ‘wind of change’?). While the screen display behind IVAN offers moments of distraction, the viewer is left wondering why he wants to help wolves fly?

Rumours have it that IVAN is planning to perform naked with real wolves – nothing less if he wants a chance to get into the finals.

Review by Mariella Herberstein

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May 2, 2016

Iceland, Austria and Finland

Iceland

Hear Them Calling by Greta Salóme

As a final year PhD student, this song was a surprise because it’s remarkably accurate in its description of my past couple of weeks. Hearing whispers in the hallways even though nobody else is left working so late in my lab in the basement, stumbling outside to find it now cold and dark after a 13 hour day without windows. Then running to make my train because it’s the off-peak timetable and the next service isn’t for 20 minutes…

Perhaps it’s all those solvents; perhaps the ghosts of postgrads past.

Greta represented Iceland a few years ago paired with Jonsi, who seemed quite good but has now apparently moved onto other things. Rather like that super keen, sparkly-eyed undergrad volunteer that was helping out around the lab back in 2014, now I think of it…

Review by Ingrid Errington

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Austria

Loin d’ici by ZOË

This dreamy eyed young forest fairy delivers a delicate, happy ditty about being ‘far from here’. The song and Zoe surely mean no harm and I have certainly sat through much worse from Austria (remember the bearded hipsters with the piano on fire from last year?). Austria will probably slip into the finales without anyone even noticing. I do hope the stage show will improve on the CGI toadstools in the background.

Review by Mariella Herberstein

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Sing It Away by Sandhja

This poppy number from Finland is pure Eurovision gold and has my votes!!! Sandhja promises to sing away all your worries and troubles, and I for one, believe her. With her girl posse, she hangs out on playgrounds, wears sparkly sneakers and tells you that ‘there is no need to be carrying a frown’. Who cares that the music video featuring a masked rider on a horse and someone boiling water for a cup of tea, makes no sense at all….just ‘sing it away’!

Review by Mariella Herberstein

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