2015 Eurovision in Review
Friends! Sweden did it again and won Eurovision after a tight battle to the finish, beating off Russia in the last few votes. Off to Stockholm we go next year….but here is how it all unravelled…
Sweden’s Mans dressed as butterfly
For the finals, we travel South of the Apfelstrudel equator to the Kaiserstadt Vienna. The evening started off classy with the Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra sampling across the composers against some Austrian vignettes. Already, it is clear, this evening will be entirely free of irony (or any humour for that matter). We cut across to the Vienna Stadthalle where another fiddler appears on stage… gawd, this is already dragging…
Finally, something interesting – some sort of light spectacles and the appearance of Conchita Wurst, wearing a fuschia pant-suit (the first of several to come) and introducing our three, humour-free hosts: Mirjam, Alice and Arabella, who inexplicitly started to sing. And now they have spilled the Vienna boy’s Choir onto the stage…where are the Lipizzan horses?
Finally, the singing starts in earnest with Slovenia’s duo Maraaya. Wearing a white lace wedding dress and headphones, young Marjetka was giving the windmachines the first run for the evening. A solid 15th place!
France’s attempt to lift the spirits backfired with an on stage show of a village destroyed by war and CGI drummers in beige pyjamas. This was never going to go anywhere but third last with 4 points.
Despite the power of Hermes’ winged sandals, Israel’s Nadav was out of tune and beat, which was generously overlooked by the Eurovision voters, propelling him to 9th place.
Some clever black and white shadow work made Estonia’s ‘Goodbye to Yesterday’ seem more interesting than it actually was. Surely Elina’s black pant-suit carried this contribution to an incredible 7th placing.
The UK changed the pace with a bit of rag-time fun. It clearly resonated with the audience – at least there were no scenes from a war-torn village. The rather ordinary outfits were enhanced by fluro-light strips – just good enough for 5 points and 4thlast placing.
Armenia’s Genealogy was dressed as a witches’ coven and brought us another war story. Fog and gale-force windmachines could not propel this cheerful number beyond 16th.
Monika and Vaidas from Lithuania quickly lowered the tone, with a peppy number and lots of kissing…. Lithuania was feeling the love and so was the rest of Eurovision, sort of: 18th. Was Monika wearing a jellyfish?
Studded in diamantes (Swarovski product placement), Serbia’s Bojana started off with a labouring tune, but delivers a thumping disco-beat to an euphoric audience. Best use of the Phantom of the Opera! 10th place
Norway, the first of the Scandinavians, was next appearing in white outfits. The stage performance consisted of Morland and Debrah walking past each other. I thought it was rather boring, but the rest of the world thought otherwise: 8th!
The favourite – Sweden’s Mans gave a dynamic performance with easily the best LED show of the evening. The win goes to young Mans, and we are going to Stockholm!
Best use of a pyjama top!
After Sweden’s rousing number, Cyprus delivered quite a step change. Dressed as an undertaker, John served a gentle ballade without a future: 22nd. Best use of actual singing.
For the first time in history, Australia competes in Eurovision! And what a debut it was! Recycling his Melbourne Cup outfit, Guy Sebastian, delivers a crowd pleaser and sails straight to 5th place.
One of the more awkward numbers this year was delivered by Loïc from Belgium. The robotic onstage show was a hybrid between of Greece’s 2002 S.A.G.A.P.O. and Kraftwerk. I was not sure where this was going, Europe knew: 4th!
Hipster heaven from Austria, the Makemakes were next with a white pantsuit and a piano on fire! The sleazy wink at the end cost them dearly: nil pointes and last placing.
Most obsolete hat of the evening
Greece’s Maria Elena, caressed by an array of wind machines, delivered a big ballad and matching cleavage. The ring of LED lights behind Maria Elena resembled the 12 stars of the EU…a subtle hint that Greece will stay in the EU? 19th place.
How Knez from Montenegro made it into the finales, we will never know. He was joined on stage by some very stern looking ladies (studded in diamantes). Sadly Montenegro’s choreographer abandoned Knez and his team, resulting in possibly the worst on stage dancing (ie. walking around and lifting of arms).
Most inappropriate moustache of the evening
Despite a black pant-suit Germany’s Ann-Sophie and her backing singers were nailed to the stage. Again, a sleazy wink was brutally punished with zero points and last placing (alongside Austria).
Joined by a white piano and 3 off-key backing singers, Poland’s Monika was also wearing a white wedding dress. After a languid start, the song did pick up half way through but only enough for 23rd!
Aminata from Latvia delivered sophisticated and definitely not your run of the mill Eurovision fare… the woman could actually sing. No dancing, though as her fairyfloss-dress did merged with the stage floor and the depth of her cleavage prohibited any sudden movements: a deserved 6th!
For a light-hearted laugh, Romania’s Voltaj sang about orphans left behind. There was more Swarovski product placement in the form or a diamante neckpiece for the gentleman: 15th!
Spain’s Edurne was dressed as little red riding hood and appeared on stage with an unconscious (or possibly sleeping) half dressed lad. Luckily, he did wake up and started pulling on her red cape…until the whole thing comes off, revealing a dream in beige. Turns out, the lad is slightly cross-eyed, but great at twirling Edurne around. The song, you ask? Sorry, I was not listening…21st place.
Most uncomfortable looking boots of the evening.
Yawn…another anti-war hymn from Hungary….five lamenting singers who were so traumatised they were petrified and unable to move. I am not sure who dressed them, even Swarovski refused to stud this outfit: 20th place.
Finally some irony…Hungary’s peace anthem was followed by Georgia’s Klingon queen calling the audience to arms! Another pant-suit (Hello!) and 11th placing.
Fog and two contortionists accompanied young Elnur from Azerbaijan….the best thing about this song was the key change (possibly the only one for the evening) – 12th place.
Polina from Russia was sporting another dress crevasse and an all-white band on stage. The audience was singing along to this one, and all that Ukrainian mess that earned Russia boos last year, was forgotten: 2nd place!
Best facial expressions for the evening.
Deep cleavage characterised Albania’s Elhaid – her crescendo automatically turned on the windmachines: 17th place
Oh no, it’s Italy’s three tenors. Only one out of three could sing, although they had great hair. So much Schmaltz is hard to digest even for Eurovision…or so I thought: 3rd placing courtesy of Europe’s mothers-in-law!
We have reached the end of the entries, and sadly our three hostesses paralysed the evening with meaningless waffle. Finally, Conchita saved us with some singing and a pant-suit.
The voting landscape was rather exciting with Italy, Russia and Sweden neck-to-neck for most of the evening. Finally, Sweden broke free to win with a convincing 365 points!
Here are my predictions for the 2015 fashion stakes: get thee a pant-suit!
Thank you all, and see you next year in Sweden!
Switzerland and France
Published May 24, 2015
The start to this song is great, with a dark baseline and thumping drums. Mélanie is evoking a tribal feel to this number, that I kind of like. I just hope the stage show can improve on that ridiculous video. The production team has actually managed to find Switzerland’s least scenic locations, and in the end had to resort to surround Mélanie with some white sheets to obscure ugly Swiss scenery.
Since the break of the new millennium, France only found itself in the top 10 three times, and the last time she won was in 1977. Last year, France only collected 2 points in the final. Despite these devastating statistics, France continues to pay for Eurovision and send entries that are completely out of step with modern times. In a way, France’s instance on failure is almost inspiring. This year is not difference – Lisa delivers a classic chançon that no-one will care about.
Romania and the Czech Republic
Published May 24, 2015
Did you know that Andre Agassi, the legend tennis player, is the lead singer for the Romanian band – Voltaj? Imagine my surprise when I began to review this year’s Romanian entry.
Romania have finally decided to take this Eurovision caper seriously entering the pop-rock powerhouse Voltaj. They have been chart-topping Romania’s hot 100 for over 20 years, championing ecological and social causes with their special blend of pop-rock-hippy.
Given Andre is bald, the band has to contend with a massive disadvantage – the wind machine is rendered ineffectual with the lack of hair. To distract the audience, from the lack of hair movement, they have instead decided to move the hair of the audience with their massive key changes and haunting melody. The band also has a secret weapon – a grand white piano – obviously an attempt by Andre to channel the likes of Elton John, John Lennon and of course the great White piano playing maestro Barry Manilow (A fusion of all three would surely be the perfect Eurovision entrant).
The song traces the life of Ronnie the Romanian whose parents have left behind their adorable Ronnie to travel to a wealthier country in order to earn a living. It is a sacrifice that parents, like Ronnies do on a daily basis, with the hope of providing their offspring with expensive plastic toys and a more meaningful life.
By what I could tell Ronnie, and other children like him, are left with the local fishermen who teach the children the skills of beard weaving and fish pickling. Is this the definition of a humanitarian crisis? In the end the story finishes with Ronnie, obviously feeling inadequate as he cannot yet grow a beard, searching for his parents in a dingy on a loch in Romania – ironically if the parents had told him they had moved to Paris their child would not be wasting so much of his life looking for them.
Here we have Marta, with hair to spare and Václav, a balding werewolf (pre-transformation). Both seem to be shouting at each other over there not being enough light. The lack of light is being made up for by wind machines – somewhat wasted on Václav. But as the song rightly points out, we first have to cross the sea of pain until this song is over.
Hungary and Belarus
Published May 21, 2015
From the first few notes that sprang from the gentle guitar, I was longing for this song to end. And for good reason! It is a labouring piece about peace. Something that they will make you sing on scout’s or young socialist camps for ever and ever. At Eurovision the song and the topic is quite inappropriate these days…no one really cares about peace anymore and there are limited opportunities for windmachines or pyrotechnics. No finals for Hungary this year, I am afraid!
Take one werewolf (Uzari) and a classical fiddler (Maimuna), lock them up and wait for a full moon. Or so one would think…instead of the anticipated blood bath we witness a more heinous crime by far: Belarus’ Eurovision entry. A bland melody with benign lyrics (time is like a thunder –aa-aa) interrupted by blood curdling fiddling.
Denmark, Macedonia and Portugal
Published May 21, 2015
Vomiting sunshine and rainbows everywhere is just the way that you are. You would think Copenhagen would be sick of hosting after their recent win, but their irritatingly catchy earworm is a serious contender. Simple heartfelt lyrics, simple major chords (with key change), charmingly awkward would-be go-go dancers… I’ll be humming it for days and hating myself every moment.
Macedonia (spoiler alert)
The more astute followers of this blog will know that Macedonia has already competed in their semi-final. So some might then argue that this entry is late. Perhaps this is so, but, lateness is a pretty lame excuse not to do something. I see it as an opportunity to review the live performance. Daniel Kajmakoski’s effort was pretty uninspired, he sort of wanders around the stage singing a bit out of tune, cutting a few over-rehearsed but poorly executed poses. The best bit is his super-slo-mo stage entry. He seemed pretty happy with himself at the end, sharing a little moment with his backing singers, who were equally lethargic throughout their three minutes of Eurovision fame. The response of the crowd was a pretty good guide to the fate of Macedonia, Daniel will be watching the final from the sidelines.
Portugal has the dubious honour of being the most losingest country at Eurovision. That is they have competed at the most contests without ever winning it. Since semi-finals were introduced in 2004, they have failed to make the final seven times, they even spat the dummy and withdrew in 2013. Against this long history of failure, Leonor Andrade was brave enough to enter her little ditty Ha Um Mar Que Nos Separa (There’s a sea that separates us). This is another in the long line of ballads at this year’s contest, and apart from a strange key change about two-thirds of the way in, this one just kind of rolls along into obscurity. Leonor has a confused stage presence, at times she wants to be a Celine Dion type diva, at other times she breaks into little jumps reminiscent of 90’s pop-punk, she even sheds a tear during the finale. Unless there is a late influx of voters from Brazil, who might appreciate the Portuguese lyrics, I reckon Leonor Andrade is about to add to Portugal’s long history of losingness.
Estonia and Belgium
Published May 20, 2015
Imagine if Sheldon from Big Bang Theory narrated the morning after of his drunken one night stand, with about as much rhythm as you might expect. This song, the offspring of Estonia’s hottest songwriter and a random teen off Youtube whose greatest life aspiration is to pet giraffes, is a telenovela of the worst quality (and trust me, I just spent the past year in Brazil). Expect high marks in the final.
Has Troye Sivan aged poorly and moved to Belgium? The music video is sufficiently homoerotic, but perhaps that’s just European. Young Loïc Nottet (according to his bio) enjoys consulting his lucky stars before getting on stage, but among the lucky stars such as ABBA and Celine Dione, Loïc will not shine. The piece is mildly catchy, and mildly creepy, but without a wind machine or key change it has no prayer. As the song meditates in its lyrics, “And if we die, tomorrow, what’ll we have to show?” The answer, of course, is a middle-of-the-pack finish.
Australia and The United Kingdom
Published May 20, 2015
This song is guaranteed to win! That’s because Eurovision votes are statistically distributed amongst geopolitical historical blocs. Australia has no Euro geopolitical links (despite Abbott’s attempts at reviving knighthoods), so it will automatically win all the spite votes, and that’s pretty much all of them.
The song itself is pretty mediocre, potentially an attempt to piggyback on Mark Ronson’s white bread funk revival. Yawn. Bring back Jessica Mauboy. Exhume the career of Danni Minogue. Or just let Lee Lin Chin sweep everyone off their feet.
Electro-swing dance had
Become this year’s big fad
I don’t mind, I’m still inclined
To be in love with this song.
Big brass and big glam
The set piece a grand slam
Even the scat wasn’t so crap
I’m still in love with this song.
Don’t need no tissues
For all their trust issues
Cause charming croon and catchy tune
I’m still in love with this song.
P.S. Abbott should knight these people.
Germany and Norway
Published May 20, 2015
With a catchy tune and a barely perceptible hint of Schadenfreude Anne Sophie waves goodbye to a failing relationship and hello to the grandeur of Eurovision. It’s a solid entry with a unique song that stands out from the herd of Plain Janes that make up this year’s Eurovision offerings. But in the end Germany may just be blowing black smoke as the song tends to fall flat, much like the way Jamie Foxx fell flat as Electro in The Amazing Spiderman 2. It’s a modern song with a hint of retro, as much as X-Men First Class was a modern film that cast Kevin Bacon as the lead antagonist. This song, much like the Hellboy films, will likely sell a lot of copies and provide pleasant background noise, but wont be winning awards any time soon.
As they say, if you love something, set it free. Norwegian Robbie Williams joins one of the Weasley sisters to pull at our heartstrings with this tribute to painful goodbyes. With lilting piano melodies, boundless elegance and fists full of self-loathing, Williams and Weasley soar ever onwards into separate futures. Like an uplifting tailwind the epic strings section pushes this heartbroken pair out of the doldrums of lost love and into the stratosphere of hopeful new beginnings. Should this song not win any awards this year it may have a future as a Kleenex commercial.
Azerbaijan and Poland
Published May 19, 2015
This is Elnur Huseynov’s second crack at Eurovision. In 2008 he teamed up with the surname-less Samir to finish a credible 8th in Azerbaijan’s contest debut. This year he returns alone with the oddly titled Hour of the Wolf. I couldn’t hear any reference to titular wolf in the lyrics, but Elnur mumbles a bit so I may have missed it. It seems that Samir was the talent in 2008 because the 2015 version is pretty drab, Sorry Elnur, playing it safe won’t get you to the final.
I thought this one had a really long, silent intro, but realised about a third of the way in that I had it on mute. That didn’t matter very much as I reckon I didn’t miss anything important. This is yet another dull ballad. What’s going on this year? I hope the live performances have fireworks or something. I’ve given up on trying to predict who’ll make it to the final, it might as well be Monika Kuszyńska, she’s as worthy as anyone else.
Montenegro, Russia and Moldova
Published May 19, 2015
According to his bio, Knez is a big star in Montenegro. Apparently his third album Automatik (1996) broke all sales records, really ALL sales records. I had to look this up. According to a well known online encyclopaedia, he’s not even in the top 60. Hang on, it says on top of the page that the list is incomplete. I can only assume that the members of his fan club are so busy listening to one of his ten hit albums that they don’t have time to update the page and put Knez in his rightful place above Michael Jackson. Anyway back to the song, it is kind of boring, with the obligatory big(ish) finish. But Knez is a bit scary looking so I won’t say anything else bad about it.
It is with great relish and authority that I write the review for Russia’s Eurovision entry this year. Because I once played bass guitar in a band whose lead singer would go on to be the co-writer of Russia’s 2015 entry ‘A Million Voices’ performed by Polina Gagarina. I shall use this opportunity to take partial credit for Katrina Noorbergen’s song writing successes as no doubt my thumping bass lines are still ruminating in her creative mind spurring her forth into Eurovision glory. Alas our relationship was not always so sweet. I had an enormous crush on Katrina and asked her out after school one day in year 8. She turned me down. It is my hope that this sad tale will serve as a beacon of hope to all those poor 14 year-old boys out there whose hearts have been broken at such a tender age. Do not fret my friends and keep your heads high, because one day, maybe soon, maybe 16 years from now, your day will come and sweet, sweet revenge will be yours. Your song is shit Russia! Zéro pointe!
Moldova has finally reached the mid-90’s with this repetitive Backstreet Boys-esque pop number. Greasy haired Romanyuta wants your love and he plans on getting it with a sleaze factor guaranteed to charm the pants back on to women across Europe. It’s Eurovision entries like this that remind me why we need feminism more than ever. You let down your guard for one second and the next thing you know there are pudgy looking-pubic bearded white guys crawling across Moldova seeking out their latest conquest. For the sake of your daughters don’t vote for Moldova this year.
Lativa and Spain
Published May 19, 2015
Just as Lordi spawned years of glam rock groups and Loreen created a temporal ripple of Bare-Footed Waifs with a Dynamic Dance Routine (c.f. Iceland’s Maria Olafs this year), it seems that Conchita’s legacy will be the Stationary Centre-Stage Diva in a Floor-Length Dress. I do like it a lot though, even with that little dubstep interlude. Alas, Latvia’s answer to Lorde probably won’t get very far because it’s a song that might have conceivably been released outside of Eurovision, but I really hope she does well. To top it off, she wrote and composed it herself, and the routine includes some cracker arm dancing attached to some very well-defined shoulders. More like it, I say.
Unfortunately, “Big 5” country Spain failed to reach the top ten in eight of the last ten Eurovision song contests. Hence it was high time to do some research on how to be successful – and Spanish “I can do anything”-wonder woman Edurne (actress, musical artist, TV presenter, impersonator, Eurovision Song Contest performer, …) finally found a recipe. Simply unite main elements of the four best-selling book adaptions in recent film history into one performance, no matter how disjointed and arbitrary the outcome might be!
In Edurne’s therewith highly promising music video to her song “Amanecer”, a cheaper version of Robb Stark, wearing not much more than a leather vest and a hipster haircut, runs through Valencia’s windy wheat fields. Out of nowhere Edurne appears, immediately evoking deep feelings of unbreakable love in “the young wolf” who kneels down and proposes to her. Edurne’s reaction: She morphs into Spain’s lesser-known heraldic animal – the tiger, proven to be a people magnet in “Life of Pi”. We assume that’s a no. Back in her human shape, Edurne then follows in the footsteps of middle earth’s best buddies Bilbo Beutlin and Thorin Oakenshield and strides through a stone arch suspiciously similar to the front gate of the lonely mountain Erebor. Apparently, she discovered an unknown shortcut as she finds herself in the blasted volcanic wasteland of Tolkien’s Mordor. One DOES simply walk into it after all! Surely, the landscape is a reflection of her vast and empty soul after rejecting the King in the North. And as if that is not dramatic (and random) enough, she spins her red dress in perfect “Hunger Games”-Manner. Of course it turns black and bursts into flames. Judging from this firework of cinematic highlights, we are safe to expect a roaring stage performance that might catapult the Spanish tigress into this year’s Top 5!
Italy and Finland
Published May 19, 2015
Nothing takes the class out of a people like Eurovision. Despite being world leaders in trend-setting, Italy has entered one of those boring big Eurovision ballads. Of course it is therefore likely to be a front runner for the win but I for one am shocked that winning a competition would be more important than risking mediocrity in style on the world stage. So yes, it’s a safe bet, three handsome guys in suits with beautiful voices performing re-enactments of three classic films. All I’m left wondering about is whether spiderman will drop in on the Eurovision stage. If Mariella has as much influence in Austria and Eurovision as I think she does then I suspect he might.
Finland’s act for 2015 is [insert politically correct review here].
Armenia and Slovenia
Published May 19, 2015
Face the Shadows reminds me of the musical version of ‘Beauty and the Beast’, if such thing exists….it probably does. The 6 protagonists seemed to have been randomly assembled and each given only part of the score without knowing what the other is going to sing. But setting the hodge-podge of voices, ranges and scores aside, the far more powerful aspect is the song’s topic, which unambiguously refers to the Armenian genocide. Eurovision has been the platform of many political statements, some of which have lead revolutions. I am not sure I can predict where this will go, but watch for Turkey’s point allocation here!
Is it Macy Gray???? No, it’s Slovenia’s Marjetka, who suffers from chronically cold ears! This is a surprisingly un-Eurovision entry from Slovenia, and I love it, almost…if it weren’t for those pesky fiddles in the background! There is a second protagonist, husband Raay, whose function seems to be clicking his fingers along to the song. Why not, he seems to be nice enough. Despite my misgivings, I think this one will sail straight through to the finals and end up in the top 10!
The Netherlands and Serbia
Published May 17, 2015
“Why, I , I , I …” do the Dutch keep coming up with such pedestrian efforts. The song is pleasant enough (think standard commercial radio fare) but that is the problem. There is nothing in Trijntje Oosterhuis’s “Walk Along” to make it stand out from the other mediocre entries. Trijntje herself doesn’t even seem to be trying, spending half the video clip dancing around in a sweatshirt with “star’’ written on it, while the object of her desire seems to have the song lyrics tattooed on his chest. I’m not convinced that she is a star and I’m not convinced that she will make it to the final.
Wow, that was unexpected. Bojana Stamenov’s “Beauty Never Lies” starts out as your standard euro-ballad, a safe choice unlikely to cause a national embarrassment, but also unlikely to worry the favourites too much. But persistence is the key here, put down the remote, about two thirds of the way in everything changes, a cheesy dance beat kicks in and Bojana unleashes her previously unheard and formidable vocal range. The finale is sure to get even the most phlegmatic Austrian to her feet. Top ten for me.
Israel and Lithuania
Published May 15, 2015
Look out Australia, Guy Sebastian has some serious competition here!! After a serious introduction about nursing his broken heart (in a minor key, of course), the Golden Boy forgets his woes by dancing to the beat. Nadav is a ‘modern boy’: the ‘king of fun’ with fabulous shoes. Quite an achievement at 16 years old. This song has sudden mood swings, flashy dance moves and confusing lyrics. As such, Israel’s entry is typical Eurovision fare, and will probably go straight through to the finals.
I was pretty excited when I first heard the introduction to Lithuania’s ‘This Time’. The instrumentation is reminiscent of Mumford & Sons before they sold out to mainstream pop. I became less sure once the singing began as the harmonies are a little shaky at times. But the backing instruments remain strong throughout and Monika and Vaidas look so incredibly happy while singing that I can’t help but start ‘feeling love’ for this duet as well.
San Marino and Iceland
Published May 13, 2015
It wouldn’t be the first time a thinly-veiled political message was slipped into the Contest – Georgia’s banned ‘We don’t wanna put in/Putin’ never saw the stage lights – and San Marino’s ‘Chain of Lights’ may be as close as it comes this year. On first listening, the song is an average vague-notion-towards-making-the-world-a-better-place number sporting a key change per minute (literally). But, dear reader, in the name of science I’ve been listening to the entire YouTube playlist on a loop for a few days now and have a breakthrough to report: this is, in fact, a revolutionary anthem.
First there’s the apocalyptic line ‘give the world its final chance’, followed by the Fawkesian refrain ‘if we all light a candle, we’d illuminate the night’. Perhaps most telling though, is the Frankenstein-esque call to eugenic arms: ‘create the perfect human, fair’ (yes, really…) If that weren’t enough, the syncopated, arpeggio-jumping string ensemble says ‘something is afoot’ like a Ben Stiller comedy of errors.
This might be one to watch, but perhaps more in a surveillance sort of way than as a likely winner.
So, I love this song, as much as I love everything Iceland has to offer: glaciers, volcanoes and Bifröst University! The song is incredibly simple, consisting of only 5 words and possibly fewer notes, making plenty of room for Maria to belt out this anthem of I am not sure what. But I do not need to know the no-doubt deeper Icelandic meaning hidden in the ever-repeating phrase: one step at a time. All I have to do is tap along and allocate douze points!
Greece and Austria
Published May 12, 2015
This breathy number by Maria Elena Kyriakou is borrowing heavily from Conchita Wurst’s winning formulae: a Bond-esque tune delivered by a diva in a flowing gown. Sadly, Maria Elena is a pale imitation, with a boring song that lacks panache. I predict that Maria Elena won’t be the only one calling out to be saved in Vienna this year.
This hairy trio is Austria’s follow-up act to last year’s win. Let me reassure you, Austria will not win Eurovision back-to-back. I suspect that this is strategic so as to avoid financial ruin. As they say ‘winning Eurovision once is a success, twice, a disaster!’ There are some highlights however: the band derives its name from an Easter Island deity and the piano goes up in flames on stage.
Albania
Published May 11, 2015
Elhaida is a superstar….not only in Albania but also in Italy where she won The Voice of Italy (I predict rich point offerings here). And indeed, the lady can sing with an impressive range and determination! The song is not too bad either – it is undoubtedly a pop song, but managed to retain some very subtle Albanian folk elements, without having to resort to those pesky bagpipes. All in all, one of the best offerings from Albania in years – definitely the finals for me! The video is also quite interesting, depicting the faces of Albanian women at work….check it out!
Ireland and Georgia
Published May 8, 2015
The title lured me in, but Molly Sterling’s “Playing with Numbers” epitomises the kind of harmless ballad that fills far too much space in Eurovision each year. After a no-nonsense two second introduction she dives in to the usual lament about love and an unspecified ‘they’ ‘tying hands’ and just generally getting in the way of love. The chorus slips right on by without stirring an emotion, and the lyrics are the usual nonsense (“In the arms of the potion, they found our truth”? Come on team Ireland – you gave us Heaney and Wilde!). This one will fade away without a fuss.
Yes, there are two entries this year called ‘Warrior’, and yes, they are fairly similar in content as well as title. Georgia’s contribution, however, is rather ‘Kill Bill’ meets ‘Game of Thrones’ in feel. Based on the opening alone, if it did come to swords at dawn, I would have been tipping Nina Sublatti and her posse over Malta’s Amber.
Alas, despite a strong beginning it doesn’t really go anywhere, does it? No key change for the ages. No obvious point to add another hamster to the wind machine. I suspect there will be a lot of people taking a drink when they realise she has been singing in English all along – though that’s something, and it does lend itself to the kind of choreography that could distract from a song that otherwise begins to glaze eyes around the 2 minute mark. En garde!
Sweden and Cyprus
Published May 6, 2015
Oh look, John Karayiannis reunited ‘Boyzone’ without any of the original band members. This is an uncharacteristically understated number from Cyprus. John and his song seem nice enough. He is terribly sorry that he broke his significant other’s heart and so he should be. I can see the Eurovision audience humming along to this one, but there won’t be more than douze points from Greece and a smattering of points from the rest of the Balkan.
Despite singing in English, Mans helpfully subtitles his video as Swenglish can be tricky for the uninitiated. However, this community service may have backfired somewhat as the lyrics turn out to a random collection of platitudes (I can’t undo what has been done – Let’s run for cover – Once and forever – Live your life like there is no tomorrow). Turns out, the whole song is as bland as knäckebröd and as difficult to swallow. It is hard to believe that only 4 years ago Sweden swept Eurovision off its feet with Loreen’s Euphoria. The stage performance really has to pull out something spectacular for Sweden to make it into the finals.
Malta!
Published May 5, 2015
Amber’s Warrior is a huge Eurovision anthem with the lot: great hair, a string quartet dressed in hoodies and the mother of all crescendos. As in all good epics, the heroin (Amber) overcomes the obstacles and breaks free!
With a cubic ton of on-stage fog, what can go wrong for Malta with this little beauty? Well, plenty! As an island nation, Malta simply lacks the geopolitical position to pull serious votes from the rest of Europe. A real shame, because of the years, Malta has sent some great songs, but never made it beyond second place. This one has my vote (although as a pacifist I despise all reference to war) and hopefully a finals placing!
Vienna Ahoy!
Published May 4, 2015
My dear friends of Eurovision,
We are back, Eurovision is back and we are very excited! The 2015 Eurovision will be hosted by Vienna – the city of music, cake and neuroses. This is of course a bunch of cliches but what better event to paddle cliches than Eurovision?
What can we expect from a city that hosted close to a millenium of imperial elegance? Style and sophistication? I doubt it very much! Austria is still recovering from the shock of winning Eurovision in Copenhagen last year. Ever since, she has been trying to catch up to the image of the open minded modern nation Conchita Wurst projected.
So, peel back your expectations, dust off your frying pans and Schnitz it up!
