Serbia – Konstrakta: In Corpore Sano
Look, I’m grateful you’re encouraging handwashing in 2022. But also you’re spreading some medical misinformation, and by that I can’t abide. For one, deep under-eye circles say nothing about the status of your liver, unless you’ve been up all night drinking. Two, those spots around your lips say nothing about the attractiveness of your spleen – it’s probably just herpes, and that’s ok. Three, Meghan Markle’s hair secrets are simply beyond our feeble medical understanding. And four, the autonomic nervous system is also the reason why you’re sweating as you eye the vastly superior competition. Serbia, let me clarify one last piece of confusion for you: Fomites are surfaces that can spread infection between people by contact, and hand-washing will help you here. FOMO is what you’ll experience watching the Finals you didn’t make, and no amount of hand-washing or hand-wringing can save you now.
Score: 6/10 for scrub technique, 3/10 for the music
Review by Scott Fabricant
Finland – The Rasmus: Jezebel
Glam rock is back and ticking all the right boxes: heavy mascara, screeching guitars, biblical references, thundering percussion, a chorus snatched from Alice Cooper’s Poison and, best of all, one hell of a key change!
What’s not to love??? Douze points!!
Review by Mariella Herberstein
Lativa – Citi Zēni: Eat Your Salad
Being green is hot, cool and sexy!!! Set against a big-band sound, the non-sensical lyrics (some of which so shocking, they were censured…) and the controlled chaos of this high energy performance is most enjoyable. Joke entries can sometimes go far in Eurovision (Ukraine Verka Serduchka made it to second place in 2007), but I am not sure Latvia is in the same league, although I like the message!!!
Review by Mariella Herberstein