Serbia, San Marino, Albania and the Netherlands

Serbia
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Goodbye (Shelter) by Sanja Vučić ZAA

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I think the full orchestra is largely ornamental here but it’s a gutsy song with oo-ooo-ooo BVs that amp up the soulful feel nicely. Is it OK to channel Amy Winehouse yet, though? Too soon??

Review by Nansi Richards

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San Marino
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I Didn’t Know by Serhat

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San Marino is probably most famous for a defunct car race that occurred in Italy. Being used to this level of anonymity, one might have thought that the citizens of the Most Serene Republic (look it up) would shy away from the brutality of Eurovision competition. But no! They have Serhat, a man who seems to think to that singing isn’t necessary at a song contest. If this is an attempt to raise San Marino’s profile, I’d say it is a failure, perhaps they should get the Italians on the phone and ask about the race.

Review by Matt Bruce

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Albania
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Fairy Tail by Eneda Tarifa

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Eneda Tarifa manages to pull off a reasonable impression of a James Bond theme song. Unfortunately for Eneda, this isn’t a movie soundtrack, it’s Eurovision and this number doesn’t quite hit the heights required to pull in the douze points. Soaring finale, nope, memorable key change, nope, culturally inappropriate costume, nope. Sorry Albania, no grand final for you.

Review by Matt Bruce

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The Netherlands
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Slow Down by Douwe Bob

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This year the Dutch have dispensed with their (unintentionally) entertaining , yet ultimately  unsuccessful dalliance with novelty acts. Here we have a boy band meets James Taylor ditty from Douwe Bob and his two mates. A bit dull really, perhaps the Dutch should stick to whatever  they are good at for Eurovision [I can’t think of anything at the moment, insert your own thoughts here]. Either way they seem to be stuck in the second division for now, but at least they could have some more fun.

Review by Matt Bruce

Poland, Israel and Georgia

Poland
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Colour of your Life by Michał Szpak

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Stringing together a range of clichés is a tried and true Eurovision song-writing strategy…. No smoke without fire, try to figure out who you really are, don’t be afraid of your destiny etc. etc……   and a full five-piece boy-band might actually have been able to carry this number. The appropriate suite of synchronised dance moves and earnest facial poses would, at least, have appealed to some segments of the audience. As it is, poor Michal has to work his fine cheek bones and pouty-lips five-times as hard all by himself! He also sports five-times as much hair.

Review by Nansi Richards

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Israel
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Made of Stars by Hovi Star

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Anthemic in the best Eurovision tradition, Mr Star (apparently his real name) has a rather lovely voice. Appropriately attired for the night, he also has highly-sculpted hair, a long goth coat and a penchant for gesturing sky-ward. I think the distinction between stars and drones may have eluded the producers of the promo video though. One hopes this is not too easy a mistake to make in Tel Aviv. Possibly a bit gloomy for the big night and exuberant crowds.

Working in his favour, Mr Star received decidedly shabby treatment in Moscow on a recent Eurovision promo tour. Knowing how desperately President Putin longs for their approval, Eurovision voters quite like to thumb their noses at such unpleasantness. If this translates into points for Israel (as opposed to points off for Russia), Mr Star should at least make it through to the final.

Review by Nansi Richards

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Georgia
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Midnight Gold by Nika Kocharov and Young Georgian Lolitaz

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Both the band and the punters are justifiably mystified as to why this was Georgia’s entry this year.

These guys ooze obscure references and hipster disinterest. They’re way too cool for Eurovision. I’d be amazed if they even show up, frankly.

Review by Nansi Richards

France, Norway and Latvia

France
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J’ai cherché by Amir

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J’ai cherché, Amir – an ambassador for France and an advocate for dental hygiene

We have Bono, Madonna, Pink and now the newest member to the one named artist – Amir.  Amir recalls watching Eurovision with his family as a kid betting on the outcome. He hopes his family will back him this year. To be honest they will earn more money betting on the runners up than backing this number. It surely will attract the shortest of odds to win this year’s Eurovision competition.

The French tend to treat this competition as something they are obliged to do being part of the European Union and all. Usually the French just do their thing and do not care about the opinions of those pesky lesser European nations. But not this year! I feel a wave of change and a sense they are finally hungry for victory and will do anything to achieve it. My evidence to support this claim:

  1. The chorus is in english – WHAT! I hear you exclaim in complete disbelief? Its true! And it is not forced, it is not even weird but in fact it’s close to brilliance!
  2. The tune sticks in your head like a limpet sticks to a rock in the intertidal zone – it has one of those annoyingly catchy clapping sequences, a nice ‘woo-oo-oo’ (I like nothing more than a good bit of onomatopoeia in a song) and, a beat that will propel people from their seats to dance.
  3. The only people that will not get up and dance to this number will be those transfixed by how damn good looking this guy is. It hurts even my eyes. And he is not even vacuous! Damn it! He is a self-proclaimed mega-geek who loves all the latest new gadgets and by all accounts comes from a wholesome family albeit a family of gamblers.
  4. One of the secrets to his manly beauty is his ridiculously good teeth. Not surprising considering he used to be a dental surgeon. Apparently he just woke up one day and decided he had enough of filling everyone else’s cavities and it was time to fill his own deep cavity with musical love; and a few croissants I suspect.
  5. The song is a motivational anthem. It is about staying true to your dreams. Based on his own rags to riches story to some extent – a kid that dreamed of being on the big stage to a dental surgeon to the Voice finalist to the winner of Eurovision – Aesop could not have written a more epic saga.
  6. His message of gender equality. His video shows two kids from the ghetto on a road to success a girl who makes it to the Olympics as a kickboxer and boy that becomes a professional ballet dancer – I secretly hope they are his back-up dancers.

Verdict: I am going to make a big call – this will win Eurovision this year. I do not have to listen to anything else – over and out!

Review by Matt Bulbert

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Norway
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Icebreaker by Agnete

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Icebreakers. They’re the latest hot (as it were) target for national science program funding. The UK and Australia are both in the process of commissioning a new icebreaker for a cool half billion each, then making the absurd decision to let the general public name it in an effort to capture hearts and minds.

Will Norway’s new Icebreaker pull it off? Or just get stuck, prompting a month long, multi-national rescue operation during which everybody on board is left telling the same jokes over and over because there hasn’t been anything new to talk about in weeks? And what sort of stroby magic will the lighting designer do with that half-time chorus? Time will tell.

Review by Ingrid Errington

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Apparently two entirely separate Norwegian songs got together and entered Eurovision this year. Neither of them were particularly spectacular to begin with and joining forces certainly didn’t improve things. Agnete opts for wearing snowflakes rather than having them flying around her head like other entrants (Austria). It may be less distracting for her but it’s a bit on the dull side for the audience. Someone is thrashing around behind her in a glass box to give us something else to look at though. This is probably meant to be a block of ice. Hmmm….

Review by Nansi Richards

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Latvia
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Heartbeat by Justs

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If the real Mr Timberlake shows up on the night (and if Latvia gets through to the final), this abbreviated version will really struggle to shine. Justs builds himself up to some pretty rock-vocals but it makes for a slightly odd mash-up with the trance-beat of this song. He really means it though. The lighting crew was clearly out of ideas, hit the auto-pilot button and took a well-earned break. Heartbeat? So much potential imagery to work with here. Wasted!

Review by Nansi Richards